From an age of 1.5 years begins for many children the infamous 'terrible twos'. During this time, most toddlers develop temper tantrums, which often make it difficult for us adults to deal with the situation. In a large number of cases, the little ones often react irritably, their favorite word is simply "NO!" and wild hitting, screaming, and crying are the order of the day. Keeping your cool as a mother or father here often proves to be a feat of strength. Nevertheless, you must never lose your composure.
What does the 'terrible twos' phase look like?
Between the second and fifth year of life a small switch seems to flip in the offspring. They notice that they are also independent personalities who can certainly assert their will. They begin to play with different situations, testing how far they can go with Mom and Dad. In professional circles, the defiance phase is also often referred to as "the little puberty". All well and good – but what can parents do so that a nervous breakdown is not pre-programmed? Because one thing is certain: parents do not always have a solution or answer ready for everything, and again and again you find yourself in situations where you are simply desperate.
What are classic examples of a tantrum, for instance?
Surely many parents know it and outsiders have also experienced these scenes: the child does not get the requested candy at the supermarket checkout. What happens? The child starts to cry loudly and heartbreakingly. If the parents still do not give in, the offspring adds more fuel to the fire: they scream for all they are worth. Now everyone is looking at the child and, of course, at the parents. Some will smile at you pityingly because they may have been in a similar situation themselves. Others may shake their heads and give you bitter looks. Don't let it bother you: this faction has apparently forgotten that they once had children themselves or were children themselves.
How do I deal with temper tantrums?
Whether at home or in public – despite the biggest tantrums, parents should be consistent and resolute. Because most of the time, such tantrums arise very likely due to the inconsistency of the parents.
If a child is allowed to decide too much, for example, tons of decisions also stream in on the child. However, this flood must be managed, which is often too much for the little being. Result: the processing cannot happen that quickly, so tears flow and often wild screaming too.
One possibility that also worked very well for me: Clarify with the child in advance what they are allowed to do. For example, if you go to a supermarket, agree beforehand that they can choose a candy themselves. Both of mine were always super proud when they were allowed to choose something themselves, and with that, there was no more screaming at the checkout. I just find it understandable that children also want to buy or choose something. But stay consistent here again: if a small item is agreed upon, don't let them load up a mountain of sweets!
Is there a trick to calm angry children down faster?
If a child absolutely cannot be calmed down, whisper a few nice words into the child's ear. It can happen that they stop screaming so they can listen better to what was whispered.
Extra tip: Works with your partner too ?
What can I do to help my child?
The best way to help yourself and your child is to take the child seriously and show them that you have understanding for the situation. For example, say in the supermarket: "I know that you would like to have these sweets now, but today you won't get any because you already had some yesterday." Or because they were already allowed to choose something; here you must of course decide for yourself which answer suits you best.
Important: stay with this decision and do not waver – even if the child screams even louder. If you give in, however, the child will realize that this solution was helpful. However, not for you, but for the child.
Ergo: the child will now always scream loudly when they want something. If you remain steadfast despite all the screaming, this will become less and less over time – believe me!
How do I react when my child hits, pinches, or bites?
Some children try to assert their will in every conceivable way. If it doesn't work with crying or screaming, then they start hitting Mom or Dad wildly, spitting, or biting. Not nice for those affected, because after all, this type of defiance hurts. What can you do here?
I have heard of mothers who simply bit back. Is this a solution? For me, that was never an option – fighting pain with pain? Never!
I personally went down the path of ignoring it and that worked great. When my child hit me, I asked if they were finished now or if that was all? I put on a poker face and looked rather bored. Even if it hurt (which often happened), I gritted my teeth and didn't give in. I told my children that it hurts and that hitting is not allowed. And what can I say? It helped excellently.
Over time, my offspring realized that this path was not helpful and that this type of anger management cost them more energy.
One thing is certain: every defiance phase passes sooner or later. Even if it often requires strength from all of you, you have to remain steadfast, listen and negotiate, avoid overstimulation, and make compromises. There will be days when you find this easier and days when you lack any courage. But one thing is certain: if you give in, you will definitely raise little tyrants who will dance on your nose. And nobody wants that for sure.
Also read: The "little" help in the household – when children want to help
Image by Janine, meinhaushalt.at
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