Children deal with death quite differently than adults. They do not see the end of life as a taboo, they talk about their loss and cry loudly when their pet dies. Sometimes, however, they also come to terms with the situation surprisingly quickly.
For many children, a pet is THE companion of their childhood. This makes the fact that animals do not live forever all the more difficult. fotolia.com; Jenny Sturm
The death of a pet is often a child's first encounter with mortality
A child who is only a few years old has usually not yet had to experience painful loss through the death of beloved relatives or animals. When a hamster or a house cat dies, it is a great shock for the youngster. Compared to humans, petsgenerally only have a short lifespan, so that children of, for example, ten years old have already had to witness the death of several pets.
Some parents try to compensate for the loss of the deceased animal by buying a new one. Such a replacement is intended to prevent the child from having to deal with mortality. Yet it might be healthier to deal with death a bit more relaxed, just like previous generations. In any case, parents should act empathetically and give their offspring time to grieve. This helps to accept the loss and get used to the way of the world.
Questions about death
When a beloved pet dies, great sadness breaks out at first. Added to this is a certain fear that raises questions. It is not only in the so-called "why phase" that youngsters want to know more about the topic:
- Is the pet in pain when it has to die?
- Where does it go when it is dead?
- Is there a heaven for pets?
- Do we have to die too?
- Is it dangerous to fall asleep because I might die too?
The answers help children to overcome their grief. But how honest should you be as an adult? There are different phases in development in which youngsters sometimes deal with the topic of death relatively soberly or react extremely sensitively. Parents should definitely take this into account.
Sometimes adults know in advance that the pet will have to die. Perhaps the dog is already very old or has a terminal illness. Here the question arises as to when and how to explain to your offspring that the animal will soon be put to sleep. In fact, even small children understand that in certain situations it can make sense to spare the pet unnecessary suffering.
Do not avoid, but explain
Evasive maneuvers do not help parents or children. Normally, a child notices whether the parents are honest or hiding something from them. However, they feel safer ifthe parents tell them exactly what happened. Veterinarians are familiar with these difficult, sometimes tearful discussions and can provide detailed explanations. That is why medical professionals are often the right people to talk to, as they focus on the essentials and generally know what they can expect from children.
Parents are emotionally heavily involved and want to protect their offspring from unpleasant experiences. In doing so, they can usually trust their children with much more. This is especially important when the bond between child and pet is very intense. Through gentle but honest communication, trauma can be avoided. Slightly older children might even want to be present when the euthanasia takes place. While this is a kind of shock, it often makes saying goodbye easier.
Under no circumstances should the child feel left alone with their pain. That is why parents must be available to their child during this difficult phase. In the days after the pet's death, the typical stages of grief occur: emotional pain, great sadness, and often anger, which is sometimes accompanied by the search for someone to blame.
This aggressiveness should not be suppressed from the start: every person must be able to let out their pent-up emotions. And indeed, many adults also tend to blame someone for a misfortune. However, those who remain relatively calm can also pass this acceptance on to their offspring.
Time to say goodbye
Whether an animal dies suddenly or the death is already looming, everyone in the family needs time to accept the situation and to say goodbye to the pet. In this phase, practical measures are also clarified:
- Accompanying them in their final hours,
- the type of burial,
- possibly planning a small funeral service,
- sharing memories
When burying the petthere are various possibilitiesso that it can find its final resting place. In addition, the burial helps children to say goodbye to their beloved pet in peace. Under certain circumstances, the children can then also visit their favorite at the burial site from time to time.
An important step in coping with grief. Building a grave creates a place to visit the beloved animal despite the loss. fotolia.com; Berty
With an individual cremation, for example, you are allowed to bury the urn in your own garden afterwards. In contrast, the animal carcass disposal facility is an impersonal but also cheaper solution. As an intermediate solution, communal cremation is an option. Here, pet owners receive a certificate of cremation.
The pet's ashes are scattered over a flower bed at the crematorium or buried directly on the associated grounds.
Anyone who owns their own property with a garden may, depending on the municipal regulations, possibly also bury the pet directly there. However, herecertain regulations must be observed. Furthermore, there is the possibility of using a pet cemetery.
Regardless of the type of burial, the family will remember the loyal pet for a long time. This is achieved through photos and keepsakes such as the animal's collar or favorite toy. If another pet joins the family later, it is anything but a replacement, and the good memories of the deceased animal remain alive.
