For a long time, the firstborn is the absolute center of the family. They are spoiled from all sides, allowed to do everything, and occasionally use this to their advantage, feeling like number one to Mom, Dad, and all relatives. However, family planning is often not finished with just one child, and another sibling is expected to join the family. Although many parents try to prepare themselves and the firstborn as best as possible for the new situation during the ten months of pregnancy, it is quite possible that the older child will react sensitively after the birth of the new sibling.
It is not uncommon for jealousy to play a role here: Do Mom and Dad not love me anymore? Who is this crumpled little bundle anyway? And what about me? Will Mommy and Daddy still have enough time for me now? We will probably never know exactly what is going on in the older sibling's head – but their looks and gestures reveal a lot. Suddenly, the firstborn is no longer alone, and the parents' attention must be shared.
Preparing children for the new sibling
Involve them in caring for the new baby
Therefore, it is important to prepare the older child for the new situation in good time and without beating around the bush. Make sure that neither child feels neglected and that the older sibling can perhaps be involved in everyday life with small tasks. Getting fresh diapers or wet wipes, checking if the milk is at the right temperature, playing with the new child, cleaning the pacifier, picking out clothes, or briefly pushing the stroller: these are all small examples of how to let the older sibling participate in the work. Try to make it clear to your child that the new baby is an independent little being who is loved just as much as the older child – after all, Mom and Dad have two arms for cuddling and loving. Even if the newborn requires more attention and care at the beginning, you should not let yourself be rattled and continue to pay attention to the needs of the other child as well.
Show your own baby pictures
Feel free to tell the older child that they were once that small, show them baby pictures, and try to explain that they also needed a lot of attention once and that it is the same with the new baby now. Children understand a lot and will try to help their parents as best they can.
Private time just with you
Nevertheless, they will eventually demand their right, so it is not a bad idea for Mom or Dad to spend plenty of time alone with the older child while the other parent takes intensive care of the newborn. For example, take a trip to the swimming pool or the children's theater alone with the older child – this way, your child will realize that everything is okay.
Understanding baby behavior
Do not be surprised if your firstborn suddenly regresses into baby behavior. This is also typical for older children who notice that the little baby gets more attention as soon as it cries or wants to be occupied. Baby talk or sudden "bedwetting" occur frequently and should not be punished. Accept this behavior and try to respond to the situation with lots of love and understanding. Anything else would likely make the matter worse.
Be honest about playmates
Together with you, the older child can much more easily understand and recognize how nice it can be to have a sibling. However, do not make the mistake of making your child believe what a great playmate the new child will be. We know that a newborn will mainly drink, sleep, and cry a lot in the beginning. The disappointment of the older child would be all the greater to learn that the time when they can really play with their sibling is still a long way off.
Overall, a number of factors are important to balance both children, but with a little skill and sensitivity, you will master this situation perfectly.
Photo by Sabine, meinhaushalt.at
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